Kill and Eat

The recipe I'm about to share with you comes straight from the ferocious throws of blood-thirsty cook-off competition. One finds many such events at college, but unfortunately for far too many, the food isn't taken nearly as seriously as it should. Don't cook to participate, cook to destroy. Yeah, it can be true that one competes against himself, but never forget that if you lose, or worse - if you use a recipe - you don't lose to just yourself, but to all of your peers who printed their ingredients off some yuppy-Emeril food network site.

Cooking is an art. And Germany is an art - or something like that. When faced with our first challenge - to create one of America's favorite stews, the common chili - we chose to develop something incredibly unique. Ladies and gentlemen, the German Blitzkrieg Chili - a divinely delicious dish meant to transport you to the octoberfesty goodness of bratwurst and beer country.

GERMAN BLITZKREIG CHILI

By Natreed Bernelnick

Ingredients:

5 medium sweet onions

1 stick butter

1 pound hot sausage

1 pound original sausage

1 pound sage sausage

1 large can crushed tomatoes

1 can tomato sauce

⅓ can sauerkraut

2 cans black beans

¼ cup horseradish mustard

2 bottles beer

1 clove elephant garlic

1 package fresh marjoram

Directions:

Dice 4 onions and sauté in butter with garlic and marjoram. Add ½ bottle of beer. Remove from pan and set aside. Cook all sausage with the remaining onion and ½ bottle of beer. Add the onion/garlic/marjoram mixture to the sausage, and add remaining beer. Drain and mash black beans into paste. Add bean paste into mixture. Add mustard, sauerkraut, crushed tomatoes, and tomato sauce. Let simmer for as much time as can be allowed. Enjoy.